


I Like This Thing (That I Am)

by Love_andbalance



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Because She is Afraid of Him, But She Wants Him Anyway, Dangerous Romance, Descriptions of Murder and Graphic Violence, Descriptions of Sexual Assualt, F/M, Forbidden Love, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Mildly Dubious Consent, Rey Needs A Hug, Rough Sex, Serial Killers, Sex with a Really Bad Guy, This Is Dark Fic, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, sex and smut, this is not a redemption story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:28:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25099195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Love_andbalance/pseuds/Love_andbalance
Summary: Everyone in town has been on edge since the women started disappearing, but no one is more nervous than Rey. She can't seem to tear her eyes off the local news any time there's a story about the mysterious serial killer the media calls Kylo Ren. He's been murdering women that look a lot like her, and the thought of being his next target is terrifying.Her boyfriend Ben doesn't take her fears seriously, but she's starting to think that maybe he knows more about what's happening than he's willing to admit.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 18
Kudos: 164





	1. Whose Little Arms Encircle Me to Make Me Think of Love

**Author's Note:**

> Please mind the tags.
> 
> Inspired by a song I found while working on the Reylo Jukebox Exchange. This is a dark fic and has a very dark Ben/Kylo. The relationship is not healthy or appropriate. Please proceed with caution.
> 
> Lyrics-  
> All Murder, All Guts, All Fun- Samhain
> 
> Murder, all guts, all fun  
> All murder, all guts, all fun  
> A kick in the head, a gouged out eye  
> Your intestines explode and your eyeballs pop  
> And the taste of your blood will drive me on  
> You see I get what I want, and I want when you bleed  
> 'Cause the things I can cause have the seal of the dead  
> In humanity's fading glow  
> All murder, all guts, all fun  
> Whose little arms encircle me to make me think of love  
> Whose supple body aims to be a limbless bloody stump  
> Do you, do you, do you realize  
> That I like this thing I am  
> All murder, all guts, all fun  
> Because I like when chests are torn apart  
> The way that heads come off  
> And the way that art starts to imitate life  
> At the end of a gun  
> At the edge of a knife  
> And all murder, all guts, all fun  
> Go  
> Whose little arms encircle me to make me think of love  
> Whose supple body aims to be a limbless bloody stump  
> Do you, do you, do you realize  
> That I like this thing I am, come on I'll kill you  
> All murder, all guts, all fun  
> All murder, all guts, all fun  
> All murder, all guts, all fun  
> All murder, all guts, all fun  
> All murder, all guts, all fun  
> All murder, all guts, all fun  
> All murder, all guts, all fun  
> All murder, all guts, all fun

She sensed him before she heard his footsteps behind her on the cold tile floor.

It was a creeping sensation across her skin that raised goosebumps on her arms and made her hair stand on end. She knew that feeling, the one that you get when the lion at the zoo stares you down from behind the glass, the one that tells you that you’re being watched by something that wouldn’t hesitate to tear you apart…that it would probably even enjoy it.

Her muscles tensed, dropping the bowl in her hands softly back into the sink full of soapy water as she prepared to flee in a burst of motion… only to be brought up short by a pair of strong arms that wrapped around her waist like a vice.

She panicked and threw her arm up, connecting violently with the soft flesh of someone’s nose, and was met with a string of violent curses in a familiar voice.

“Damn it, Ben, you scared the hell out of me!”

He grunted, releasing her and wiping a hand beneath his nose. Something dark passed across his face like a shadow when it came away bloody, but it was gone in an instant as he grinned at her- and damn she loved that smile. Even dripping blood all over her pristine white floors he still managed to ooze a reckless and cocky boyish charm that made her heart skip a beat.

“That’s one hell of an elbow, baby. Were you expecting someone else?”

“No,” she snorted, blotting at his face with a wet towel until she had removed all evidence of his nosebleed and then pressing a quick apology kiss to his lips. “I’m just really jumpy lately.”

Her gaze flicked to the TV in the living room, where a news anchor was droning on about a body that had been drug out of the river.

A small shiver ran through her at the picture of the most recent victim. That girl looked so much like her- they were the same age, same height, and they both had medium length brown hair...hazel eyes... freckles. They were close enough in looks that they could have been sisters.

This was the third one.

“You’re not worried about that shit, are you?” he asked, following her gaze and frowning as the picture of the victim was replaced on the screen with what little was known about the suspect. White male…30-40 years old…extremely violent.

She rolled a shoulder at him resentfully and turned back to the dishes. “How are you not worried about it? They all…”

“All what?”

“They all look like me,” she whispered quietly, finally voicing aloud the thing that had started to keep her up at night. It made her feel foolish, because the rational voice in her mind knew that even if the serial killer _was_ targeting women that had a similar appearance it was unlikely that he would want a nobody like her. But even knowing it, she couldn’t shake the fear.

“Yeah? Maybe they do…” His eyes were carefully blank, but fingers drummed restlessly on the countertop beside the sink and she sighed. He always made it so obvious when she’s said something that upset him.

“What’s wrong?” She peered at him over her shoulder, searching his face for the signs of irritation that she knew he was feeling- and taking in the dark waves of his hair and the warm amber of his eyes as they stared down at her from over his long noise and plush lips.

His face was beautiful and even after six months of living together it always sent heat straight to her belly anytime she stopped to _really_ look at him.

He crowded against her, wrapping his arms around her and leaning his heat against her back to pin her between the hard planes of his body and the countertop. “You think I can’t take care of you?” he murmured, his tone wounded and vulnerable. “That I would let that _Kylo Ren_ guy, or anyone else, touch you?”

She pressed back against him, rubbing herself against him like a cat as electricity shot through her, each nerve alight from the contact.

“You’re not always here, Ben,” she reminded him reasonably, trying desperately to focus as his fingers slid up her sides to cup the small weight of her breasts. “What if something happened while you were at work? Maybe we should get a dog or something.”

“Sure, baby, we can get a dog if you want. Would that make you happy?” He pressed a kiss to the back of her neck and smiled before he shot her an indulgent look that she didn’t quite understand- like her request was a foolish and he was humoring her.

She nodded anyway, grateful that he had agreed. “Thank you. They’re all saying that guy is a monster…the things he does to those poor women. It’s awful.”

“Hmmm…” he hummed, nuzzling into her neck and letting his hands drift lazily over her body. “I haven’t paid much attention to the news. What does he do them?”

“They were viciously stabbed and the police think they were probably sexually assaulted before they died. They must have been so afraid.” She hated the quiver in her voice, but she wasn’t sure of it came from fear or the desire that he was expertly fanning to life inside her with his breath on her ear.

He nipped at her neck, teeth grazing just a little harder than usual and making her squirm uncomfortably. “I’m sure they were terrified,” he agreed. “Would you have been terrified, baby?”

“Of course, I would have been. I don’t think there’s anything worse than that- to be in pain and violated and knowing you aren’t going to live much longer…”

She squealed in surprise when he scooped her up in his arms and carried her to the bedroom, feasting her mouth ruthlessly and distracting her completely from her worries. She sank limply onto the mattress, eyes watching him greedily as he stripped down to his bare skin.

Her hands trembled as she began to lift her shirt, but he ripped it down the front with one effortless tug, the sound startling loud in the silence of their bedroom and absolutely unexpected. He’s never been anything but excruciatingly gentle with her, so her mouth parted in surprise as his fingers dug into her skin- he gripped her hips, shifting her until he could tug her pants and underwear off in a few jerky motions.

A soft hiss of appreciation escaped him as he flipped her unceremoniously into her stomach and revealed the smooth rounded curve of her backside.

She made a noise of her own, a soft gasp of surprise, when he drug her up onto her hands and knees with his fist tangled in her hair. She was shocked, struggling to keep up with this sudden inexplicable shift in his personality, but when he slammed into her from behind it pulled a low growl of pleasure from her.

She wasn’t sure what had sparked this new ruthless in him, but it set flames of her need racing through her- like everything else he had done since their eyes had first met across a crowded bar. The connection had been instant and intense, leaving her stunned and breathless. She’s never experienced anything like it and had tumbled recklessly into an all-consuming love that hoped she never recovered from.

It wasn’t until after- when he had pounded himself into her until she was shaky and weak from the ragged pleasure of it and she was curled up beside him while he was traced delicate patterns on her skin with the tips of his fingers- that she realized that he had seemed a bit too eager to hear her opinions on the murders, a bit too enthusiastic in his lovemaking afterward. Not the she minded, but he’d been rougher…more demanding than he ever had before…almost like he was excited about the subject they had been discussing.

His face was relaxed and peaceful as lay beside her, and she dismissed it as an unfortunate coincidence, turning to him and sighing in contentment when he pulled her close to his chest… but the seed of doubt had been planted in her mind.

It remained there as the weeks passed.

He got her a dog, a fully grown black mutt from the pound that watched her with kind and intelligent eyes but looked mean enough that she hoped his mere presence would deter intruders. She kept him close by and she watched the news every day, looking for something that would ease her that little knot of suspicion that had lodged unpleasantly in her stomach.

At first, her hopes were high, and she believed that they would catch Kylo Ren and lock him up tight behind steel bars where he would never be able to hurt anyone again. But soon all she wanted was for them to at least tell her about a murder that happened when Ben was at home with her, tucked in the bed beside her with an alibi that was unquestionable.

Because the women always disappeared on the nights he worked late- when he came home tired and humming under his breath and then fucked her aggressively into the mattress of their bed until she was hoarse and sore and satisfied in a way she had never been before.

He deepest worry, that she barely acknowledged even to herself in the quiet stillness of the night as she lay awake beside him, was that those moments of passion were built on some sick kind of arousal that he had gotten snatching women off the streets and murdering them in cold blood. The thought of that was nearly too terrible to even imagine, but she watched him closer now, searching that handsome face for signs of…something.

Something to absolve him or something to condemn. Anything to end the strange limbo where she now existed- loving him and wanting him but feeling her fear grow every time a mild inconvenience caused ice to form in his eyes before it was quickly buried under a hasty laugh.

She jumped now when he opened the door, always careful now to make sure her back wasn’t turned to him when he came home.

“What are you watching?” he asked, dropping into the chair across the room and smiling at her. She really loved that damn smile.

“Just the news,” she muttered. “They haven’t found a body lately. They think maybe he moved on.”

He nodded, settling back against the cushions and humming beneath his breath.

“You worked late today,” she said casually, peaking at him from beneath her lashes.

“Yeah, just some stuff that came up at the last minute.” He drummed his fingers once on the arm of his chair.

“Oh, that hasn’t happened in a while either…you having to work late.”

“Isn’t it good that you’ve been seeing more of me?” He frowned as he said it and guilt bloomed inside her at the thought of hurting his feelings.

“Yeah, it is good,” she reassured him quickly, crossing the room and straddling his lap, curling herself against him as his hands came to rest possessively on her hips. She was pleased to see a smile settle back across his face. “You know I miss you when you’re not here.”

Was that still true? She thought that it was, despite the severity of the things she suspected he might somehow impossibly be doing. She still missed him, still wanted him.

She tipped her head back to allow him access as he kissed a line of fire down her throat, pausing at the little flutter of her pulse in her neck to trace it gently with his tongue before nipping it hard with his teeth .

He was in a rough mood tonight, tugging at her hair and squeezing at her breasts hard enough to make her whine and bat him in protest while he chuckled.

He fumbled with his buttons, already hard and aching for her, and she tugged her skirt up around her waist and yanked her underwear aside. He was buried in her to the base in one rough thrust of his hips.

They were only suspicions, after all, she reasoned as she rocked her hips against him, and he dug his fingers into the cheeks of her ass hard enough to bruise. His eyes on hers held no hint of deception, no malice... just a burning desire that intensified when she whined against a particularly hard twist of his fingers on her nipple.

She relaxed into him, letting him circle his thumb sloppily on her clit and piston his hips up into her until her orgasm tore through her and brought a burst of pleasure so strong that it bordered on pain. He followed her immediately after with a gruff shout and she collapsed onto his chest, breathing heavily and still splayed open across his lap.

There was no proof of anything except that she was being exceptionally paranoid…besides the news said it looked like the guy that hurt all those women had finally moved on, he probably wasn’t even around anymore.

The next morning they found another body.


	2. Whose Supple Body Aims to be a Limbless Bloody Stump

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember that this a dark fic. It deals with intentionally disturbing concepts. I've tried to update the tags to make sure it accurately reflects this concept, so please look over them again to be sure you're ok with what's coming.
> 
> TW/CW- descriptions of murder, descriptions of sexual assaults, being sexually aroused by violence and lack of consent
> 
> Ben/Kylo is a Very Bad Man, he does Very Bad Things. He is going to tell her about it while she gets aroused by his descriptions of murders/sexual assaults and her own relationship with him and all of that's pretty disturbing. If you don't enjoy that kind of story, please take care of yourself and don't read the rest of this.

The news said the latest victim’s name was Bazine.

Kylo hadn’t known that, because Kylo hadn’t cared. She wasn’t a person to him once he had enticed her into his car, just an object that was able to use and discard as it pleased him. It pleased him quite a lot, unfortunately for her.

It was always pitifully easy. A smile- practiced and charming and effortlessly inviting- and they tumbled after him willing enough. He could have taken them home and fucked them six ways from Sunday but that just didn’t scratch the itch he had, not like hurting them did.

That was just more fun.

They always fought and screamed but they never got away, not once he had his mind set on one. Nobody had ever gotten away…except for Rey.

He watched her now, dancing and shaking her hips in the kitchen to some song on the radio and she flashed him a bright smile when she caught him looking. It went straight to his chest, squeezing and leaving him stunned and breathless.

It been that way since the first time he saw her, sipping a cheap drink in a smokey bar and wearing a low cut little pink top that was planning to cut off her as soon he got her someplace quiet.

She’d looked up expectedly and caught him right in the middle of thinking about the noise it would make when he plunged his knife into her chest- he loved that wet squishing sound- but she hadn’t shrunk back from the murderous look in his eyes. Her lips had parted softly in surprise and then he’d _smiled_ at him. 

He loved that fucking smile.

It had done something to him, sparked a different kind of urge, one he’d never felt before. It was strange, the feeling that flooded through him, but he wanted more of it.

She’d gone home him with him that night, but instead of ending up a nameless body in the river like the rest, she’d moved in with him and never left. He’d learned to spend most of his days slow dancing in the living room or bringing her flowers, anything he needed to do to keep that smile on her face.

Sure he occasionally had the urge to peel off some of her skin off to see the bits beneath, but when it got to be too much he just found someone who looked a lot like her and cut that lady up instead.

It wouldn’t make sense to hurt the only person who had ever made him _feel._ That’s why it had hurt him so much when she’d started to watch him with caution in her eyes, after everything he had done to keep her safe from that part of him.

Not that it was her fault. He knew he’d fucked up the way he had handled the night she’d told him how much she was afraid of Kylo Ren, when she’d stood in his pretty little kitchen after damn near breaking his nose and told him in that quavering voice that she was scared because she knew how much those victims looked like her.

It had done something to him when she’d talked about how afraid she thought his victims must have been…hearing her voice speaking of his crimes had been the most violently arousing thing he’s ever experienced outside of the murders themselves.

He hadn’t been able to stop himself when he’d gotten rough with her after, and though she hadn’t complained, she’d watched him more carefully after that.

Like she was looking at him now, smiling but still watching him casually out the corner of her eye as she danced around, like she wasn’t comfortable anymore turning her back on him, like she might be afraid of him.

It was starting to piss him off.

***

He’d been short with her lately, grumpy and unpredictable. She didn’t like it, but there was a look in his eyes that had kept her from saying anything- a silent caution that had stilled her tongue in her mouth even as her own temper bubbled beneath the surface.

 _Much like his secrets_ , she mused as he came in the door sometime after ten, humming happily beneath his breath.

“You’re home late.” It was an observation without heat, but his eyes flashed with a sudden sullen challenge.

He shrugged. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

“Working late?”

“Yes.”

“Hmmm, your boss called a few hours ago, looking for you. She said you left at your normal time.” Rey didn’t know what made her say it or why the hell she thought it would be a good idea. She’d decided when his boss had called that the safe thing to do would be to just not bring it up- ever- but now that he was here and looking her in the eye as he lied…

He didn’t answer her. He sat on the couch in their comfortable home and stared at her as the seconds ticked by and he drummed his fingers on his knee.

The mask of civility slipped, so fast she almost didn’t catch the rage and lust for blood that he hid beneath it, but they both knew she’d seen it. There was no taking it back, no pretending it hadn’t happened, not for either of them, not this time.

They bolted at the same moment, a frenzy of motion as she jumped up from her chair and darted toward the door with him close on her heels. She was fast, but he was faster, sending her chair flying across the room instead of going around it as she’d hoped. She never even got her fingers wrapped around the doorknob before she found herself pinned to the wall, his arm on her throat as she stared into the eyes of a monster.

She gripped his forearm, trying desperately to push it away from her throat so she could breathe, but he was relentless. The rage in his eyes was unlike anything she could have conjured in even her worst nightmares.

He was going to kill her. She was going to die right here in her own living room because she couldn’t keep her mouth shut. She could have called the cops, told them her suspicions. She could have just left. She could have done literally anything else, other than tell this _thing_ that she lived with that she had reason to suspect him of being a heartless killer.

“Where the _fuck_ do you think you’re going?” he hissed between clenched teeth. “Do you think I’m going to let you leave me? That I’m going to let you walk out of here and destroy everything we’ve made together? Hmm? You’re smarter than that, sweetheart. Too damn smart for your own good.”

She whimpered, and he pulled back enough for her to suck in several painful mouthfuls of air past the aching throbbing in her throat. “Ben,” she whined.

“ _Ben_ ,” he mocked, his voice a high imitation of her own. “Ben went out the window when you started asking questions. You wanted to know about Kylo Ren? Let’s talk about Kylo Ren.”

“No! I don’t wanna know! I don’t wanna know anything about Kylo Ren! I swear, baby, I swear! I won’t ask anymore questions!”

Tears streamed down her cheeks when he tangled his fingers in her hair and pulled hard. “It’s too late for that. You already know, don’t you? Say it, sweetheart. Say my name.”

She tossed her head back and forth, mouth clamped firmly shut, convinced that if she said it, he would kill her the way he had killed the others.

His eyes narrowed dangerously, and his breath was hot on her cheeks. “Don’t make me ask again, ok? Just _say_ my _fucking name_.”

“K…Kylo,” she choked out. “You’re…you’re Kylo Ren. You killed all those women.” The sobs wracked her body so hard she was afraid she might come apart, torn at the seams by the strength of her terror and revulsion.

“Yes, I am,” he confirmed, and her body fell limp at the revelation, nausea rising in her stomach until she could taste bile at the back of her throat. “I’m a _monster_.”

“Why?”

“Why what?’

She shook her head unable to verbalize the questions that swirled in her mind.

“Why what? Say it.”

“Why did you kill them?”

“I wanted to. I _like it_.”

“But what you did to those women, Ben… and then you came home and you…and we…”

“I fucked them and I killed them, and I threw them away like garbage.” He leaned in close, his leaps brushing her ear as he spoke. “But you know the best part? You knew, didn’t you? You knew for a long time where I had been, what I had done, before I came back here and fucked you…and you still _let me_ do it.”

She jerked against him, denial ringing in her mind but unable to force the words to roll off her tongue.

He forced his knee between her legs, lifting her off her feet and crowding her against the wall until his chest was flush against her breasts. “I think you liked it,” he taunted. “I think you enjoyed knowing that you were fucking a murderer. Did you like knowing I fucked them and then came back here and fucked you, too?”

“I didn’t,” she snarled, but he only smiled.

Damn, she loved that smile, even now when she knows she shouldn’t.

He sensed the shift in her, that impossible and sick spark of arousal, like a shark scents blood in the water. “You did,” he said calmly, nuzzling into her neck and letting his tongue drift over the delicate skin under her jaw. “You like it now, don’t you?”

Her legs were already wrapped around his waist, rubbing provocatively against the hard bulge of him beneath his jeans, but she wasn’t ready to think about yet, about what it said about her.

“Are you going to kill me?” she asked quietly, grasping at anything to change the subject, to deflect the questions and delay facing the answers.

He pulled back to give her a puzzled frown. “Kill you? Why the hell would I kill you?”

Her laugh had a hysterical edge to it that was obvious even to her own ears. “I know what you’ve done.”

“If you were going to tell anyone, you’d have tried it by now. You’re not going anywhere, baby, and you’re not telling _anyone_ about this. You’re _mine.”_ He ran his thumb lazily over her cheek, wiping away the tears that were still leaking from the corner of her eyes. _“_ You’ve been mine since the first day I saw you- when you smiled at me instead of running away from me like you should have. I was staring at you, wondering what your insides would look like when I sank my hands into them, and you fucking _smiled_ at me.”

“I didn’t know then,” she protested, trying in vain to turn her face away from his touch.

“Something inside of you knew,” he countered confidently. “The same part of you that makes you so filthy and wet for me when I come home to you with another woman’s blood under my fingernails. Can you still smell it on me? The fear? The death?”

“No,” she insisted, but the denial was weak, a pleading whine…was she begging for him to believe her? Or herself?

He chuckled, deep and dark, and a shiver ran up her spine. “Oh, I think you can. Let’s play a little game…”

“I don’t want to play a game,” she began but his fingers gripped her jaw hard enough to bruise and he pressed a kiss to her mouth, teeth sinking into her bottom lip until the bright metallic taste of her own blood bloomed on her tongue.

“We’re going to play a game,” he said again, tracing his tongue over the seeping wound on her mouth as she moaned softly. “I’m going to tell you everything Kylo Ren has done while you were fucking Ben Solo, and then we’ll see how much you want me to fuck you when I’m done.”

“I won’t,” she promised, but her traitorous body was already writhing against him, pressing her core against his hardness to seek relief.

He lifted her, one arm under ass and the other hand still tangled in her hair, and carried her to the bedroom, whispering the horrible details of his murders into her ear as he walked.

A violent shudder tore through her as he described the smell of freshly spilled blood and the warmth of it on his hands, the way that his victims had fought and screamed and how powerful it made him feel to know that their bodies were his playground, that their lives existed only as long as he chose. He could snuff it out at will and there was never a thing that they could do to stop him.

It was arousing, he explained, intoxicating. He was a god of death, a powerful specter of menace and cruelty.

She hated him for it, she _did,_ and it was only fear that kept her from lashing out, from clawing and scratching and biting at him in rage and horror.

The mattress dipped as he placed her on the bed, following her down until she was pinned beneath him, caged beneath his weight and helpless.

“I hate you,” she breathed, unable to hold it in any longer as he nipped his way along her collar bone.

He chuckled, unfazed, at the sincerity in her tone. “You don’t hate me. You might hate what I’ve done, but…” He trailed off, suddenly more interested in lavishing attention on her newly exposed breasts, her shirt now pushed up to expose her from the neck down, than he was in completing his explanation.

“But what?” she whined, desperate for an explanation, to know how he believed that she could emotionally separate him from the things he had done.

He paused, lifting his head to look intensely into her eyes. “You like knowing it isn’t you,” he said bluntly. “That the monster inside me loves you too much to hurt you. Every time it isn’t you writhing under the blade of my knife it reminds you that you’re better… you’re unique…you’re special. You’re the one that gets to fuck me and enjoy it, the one that has my fucked up heart. The beast inside me sleeps for you.”

She pressed her lips together, remaining stubbornly silent as he tugged down her pants and underwear in one smooth motion, as he pushed his own down until the hard length of his sprang free to rest against the hard muscles of his stomach.

Heat radiated from her face when he hissed out a victory breath after sliding his fingers intimately between her thighs and having them come away wet and slippery with the evidence of her arousal- her traitorous body having acknowledged of the truth of his words, even when her mouth would not.

She’d never been loved, never been wanted, as she bounced from foster home to foster home as a child, abandoned by the parents who hadn’t cared enough to keep her. Ben had chosen her, he loved her, he wanted her. It was arousing and intoxicating, she finally admitted to herself, to have as much power over him as he exerted over others.

“Ben,” she sobbed, and he pulled her in close to him, cradling her against the hard wall of his chest. She wrapped her arms around his neck, clinging to him as she admitted that her world had rearranged itself around him, leaving his love as the singular thing that made sense, her sole reason for existence.

“Shhh,” he soothed, hitching her leg up over his hip and sinking into her warmth as she wept brokenly with her face pressed against his skin. “I’m never going to hurt you, sweetheart, you’re mine.”

“But you aren’t going to stop what you’re doing,” she said, already knowing the answer as she lifted her hips to take more of him in, wrapping her legs around him and digging her fingers greedily into his back.

“No, I’m not,” he confirmed. He rubbed his nose against her cheek, giving her what tenderness he could to offset the impact of his words. “I like what I am. If you love me, you’ll have to accept it.”

She nodded, unable to form words anymore as every shift of hips, every drag of him against the fluttering walls of her insides drove them both closer to the edge of ecstasy.

He tucked her head beneath his chin after he finished with her, when he had wrung three piercing orgasms from her before letting himself explode into one of his own. He dozed, his arms holding her lightly and with a remarkable lack of concern, all things considered.

She stayed awake, thoughts tumbling over the implications of what she had discovered. To say nothing would be to place herself above the lives of countless innocent people. To say anything would take away the only thing that had ever loved her and lock him away in a cage or worse.

He didn’t stir when she shifted, moving her body away from him by degrees and hoping that it was slowly enough not to wake him.

His eyes were open when she returned, watching her curiously as she set a glass of water on the beside table and slipped into bed beside him. She laid her head on his chest, enjoyed the sound of his heartbeat thudding calmly in her ear.

“You didn’t come after me,” she said pointedly.

“No, I trust you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and please know that I am so grateful for all of you! I can be found on Twitter @Love_andbalance if you would like to say hi or follow me for story updates!
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are incredibly appreciated! You are the motivation for me to continue writing!


End file.
